Don’t be fooled by me.

               Don’t be fooled by the face I wear

               for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

               masks that I’m afraid to take off,

               and none of them is me.

               Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me,

               but don’t be fooled,

               for God’s sake don’t be fooled.

               I give you the impression that I’m secure,

               that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well

                    as without,

               that confidence is my name and coolness my game,

               that the water’s calm and I’m in command

               and that I need no one,

               but don’t believe me.

               My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,

               ever-varying and ever-concealing.

               Beneath lies no complacence.

               Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.

               But I hide this.  I don’t want anybody to know it.

               I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.

               That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

               a nonchalant sophisticated facade,

               to help me pretend,

               to shield me from the glance that knows.

               But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,

               and I know it.

               That is, if it’s followed by acceptance,

               if it’s followed by love.

               It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself,

               from my own self-built prison walls,

               from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

               It’s the only thing that will assure me

               of what I can’t assure myself,

               that I’m really worth something.

               But I don’t tell you this.  I don’t dare to, I’m afraid to.

               I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,

               will not be followed by love.

               I’m afraid you’ll think less of me,

               that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.

               I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing

               and that you will see this and reject me.

               So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,

               with a facade of assurance without

               and a trembling child within.

               So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,

               and my life becomes a front.

               I tell you everything that’s really nothing,

               and nothing of what’s everything,

               of what’s crying within me.

               So when I’m going through my routine

               do not be fooled by what I’m saying.

               Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying,

               what I’d like to be able to say,

               what for survival I need to say,

               but what I can’t say.

               I don’t like hiding.

               I don’t like playing superficial phony games.

               I want to stop playing them.

               I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me

               but you’ve got to help me.

               You’ve got to hold out your hand

               even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.

               Only you can wipe away from my eyes

               the blank stare of the breathing dead.

               Only you can call me into aliveness.

               Each time you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging,

               each time you try to understand because you really care,

               my heart begins to grow wings–

               very small wings,

               very feeble wings,

               but wings!

               With your power to touch me into feeling

               you can breathe life into me.

               I want you to know that.

               I want you to know how important you are to me,

               how you can be a creator–an honest-to-God creator–

               of the person that is me

               if you choose to.

               You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,

               you alone can remove my mask,

               you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,

               from my lonely prison,

               if you choose to.

               Please choose to.

               Do not pass me by.

               It will not be easy for you.

               A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

               The nearer you approach to me

               the blinder I may strike back.

               It’s irrational, but despite what the books say about man

               often I am irrational.

               I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

               But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls

               and in this lies my hope.

               Please try to beat down those walls

               with firm hands but with gentle hands

               for a child is very sensitive.

               Who am I, you may wonder?

               I am someone you know very well.

               For I am every man you meet

               and I am every woman you meet.

                                                                     Charles C. Finn

Stuart Townend, Keith Getty

In Christ alone, my hope is found.
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease.
My comforter, my all in all,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe.
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
‘Til on the cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied,
For every sin on Him was laid.
Here in the love of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain.
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again.
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip from me,
For I am His and He is mine,
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me.
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus controls my destiny.
No power of Hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand.
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I stand. 

I’ve had some things on my mind this week, and this song really summed it up for me. I couldn’t have said it better myself…. so, I didn’t try.  I just wanted to share the lyrics.

            The next day the father called his three teenagers, who were smiling smugly, into the living room.  They were puzzled to see a plate of brownies on the coffee table.  The father said he had decided that if they would eat a brownie, then he would let them go to the movie.  But just like the movie, the brownies had pros and cons.  The pros were that they had been made with fresh walnuts and the finest chocolate.  These moist frosted brownies had been created with an award-winning recipe.  Best of all, they had been made with care by the hands of the teens’ own father.  The brownies had only one con.  They had a little bit of dog poop in them.  But the dough had been mixed well – the teens probably would not even be able to taste it.  And their father had baked the brownies at 350 degrees, so any bacteria or germs had probably been destroyed.  Therefore, if any of his children could stand to eat a brownie that included “just a little bit of poop,” then they also would be permitted to see the movie with “just a little bit of smut.”  By now the teens had lost their smug expressions.  They turned down the tainted brownies, and only Dad was smiling smugly as they left the room. 

            Now when his teenagers ask permission to do something he is opposed to, the father just asks, “Would you like me to whip up a batch of my special brownies?” 

Philippians 4:8 says, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

*****************************

This is one of my favorite devo stories.  I told this story to my very first teen class.  I welcomed them to the class and served them warm homemade brownies just before the lesson.  It was pretty funny to watch their faces as the story progressed. ha!

There are so many ways that we allow sin in our lives.  Sometimes we justify it by saying "its just a little bit". 

James 1:27 tells me that I need to keep from being polluted by the world if I am to please God.  That is so simple to say, but very difficult to practice.  When making decisions, especially on entertainment choices, it helps me to just stop and ask myself "How much poop do I want in my brownies?". 

[To add a counter to the sidebar required a change in my theme.  I will have to continue without any pink. ..sigh     ]

After almost twenty years of marriage I have finally given in to my husband's request to have a garden.  After all… he is "the world's greatest". :)  Not unlike the pain of childbirth, God allowed my garden nightmares to fade and I began to think "maybe it won't be so bad".  This past spring we began the work of preparing to plant our first garden together.  The memories have come flooding back to me as once again I have been exposed to weeds, dirt, bugs, and sweat.  However, this time around my gardening experiences have produced a new benefit that I did not experience before.  In my efforts to grow the best vegetables and fruit, God has grown my mind.

I never realized how much "gardening" is mentioned in the Bible.  While I have never tended a flock of sheep, and I have a limited experience with the use of fishing nets, or even salt – I do relate to the different types of growth that can occur in different types of soil.  I have direct experience with sowing, weeding, and reaping.  There are so many ways that gardening skills can be used to not only produce a great crop, but also to grow and improve your spiritual life. 

One of the first steps in preparing for our garden was to decide exactly what we wanted to grow.  We had to look at the end result we hoped to achieve so that we would know what direction to go to get there.  Different crops require different soils, moisture levels, sunlight exposure, planting seasons.  Each crop will need protection from different pests and diseases that attack it to try and inhibit the growth… I could go on and on.  But, to get the best blueberries, I had to plant them in the soil with the best pH levels for blueberries – or more accurately – work the soil to get it to the correct pH levels.  To have any hopes of juicy red strawberries, they had to be planted in an area that gives them lots of exposure to the sun.  My favorite vegetable, squash, required the building of small dirt hills to hold the seeds, and regular application of plenty of sevin dust to hinder the evil beetles that work against me.  Each kind of seed or plant had specific needs that had to be met to produce the best fruit possible.  Some of the needs are universally required by all and some are unique to each plant.

In Galatians 5:22 we are told that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  This is the fruit that I would like to produce in my life.  I wonder what type of soil each of these require, and what is needed to prepare the best soil….  I wonder how much exposure to the "Son"….  I wonder what evils attack each one of these, and what is the best way to protect each fruit….  I wonder what preparations and continued care are needed to make sure that the best and healthiest fruit is produced….  And how do you best perserve each, after they are produced….  These are the thoughts that keep my mind busy while I am out in the heat, weeding, digging, scratching, and sweating.  I am making much better garden memories this time… and I also have "the world's greatest husband" working right there with me.          

Recently God used 1 Cor. 14 in a new way for me.  While reading this chapter I found it a bit ironic that Paul would use instruments [flute, harp, and trumpet] as examples in making the point of his lesson.  "If" instruments are so evil, then why would Paul use them in his teaching illustration?  And if he was so bold to speak the names of these instruments in his lesson, wouldn't he also be quick to remind and point out to the Christians he was teaching that they were not "okay" things to use?  I have always been taught that the New Testament does not address the issue of instruments, but I am beginning to wonder about that statement.  Maybe it's because there wasn't an issue. 

At the Jerusalem Council in Acts, an Old Testament passage is quoted that refers to David's tent.  If you go back and read exactly what was in David's tent, you will find worship with instruments.  And David of all people was about worshipping from the heart and not from the rules.  And why even bring up David's name in the New Testament without reminding us that we no longer worship as David did in the Psalms?  In my NIV Bible, it states at the end of Habakkuk that this was written to be accompanied with stringed instruments.  Parts of Habakkuk are quoted in the New Testament.  I find it very tough to believe that such a drastic change in worship procedure would be mandatory and not be spelled out completely for new believers.  I also find it difficult to believe that the Jerusalem Council, Paul, and other New Testament writers would refer to instruments, or something associated with instruments, and not also address the fact that they are no longer pleasing to our God.  God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  His nature does not change.  If something once pleased God and all of a sudden now it doesn't – well… the God I know would have clearly told us.  I think it is a non-issue to God and was a non-issue in the early church.  I think it should be a non-issue now.

In reading 1 Corinthians 14, I hear Paul saying that speaking in tongues doesn't really teach anyone anything, but it might be beneficial to your own spirit.  His answer is to do both.  Instruments cannot "teach" – I will agree with that point.  It is the words of the song that teach.  But, playing or listening to an instrument CAN benefit a person's spirit.  Why not, like Paul, do both?  I think our problems have stemmed from trying to stand on one side or the other of an issue that shouldn't be an issue to begin with.

My teenage boys would probably consider some of the more traditional hymns as 'speaking in tongues'.  They simply cannot understand the language because it is so different from the language used today.  I have never heard my sons or any of their friends use the terms thou, yonder, or wretch.  Sometimes it is even neccessary to interpret the meaning of the lyrics for them.  They are not gaining any understanding from singing songs in a language that they cannot interpret for themselves, even if someone else is benefitting from it.  They are glad others are benefitting from those words, but they do not understand what is being said.

I would probably consider some of the more contemporary songs my boys listen to as 'speaking in tongues'.  When you get the lyrics out to some of the Christian rock or Christian rap songs, you need to be pretty familiar with current trends in teenage language to understand the meaning of the song.  I cannot gain any understanding from singing some of these songs unless I have a teenager to interpret them for me.  I am thankful that my boys have these kind of music that touches their spirit and lifts them to a higher place, but I do not understand what is being said. 

Does all of this fit into the context of 1 Corinthians 14?  I think it does.

Let's stop making issues out of the methods and start helping each other to understand the Gospel message and to worship God together because of it.  You have your own needs in worship, and I have mine.  There's nothing wrong with "doing both" to help each other reach the goal.  Let's have a time of worship where I will sing songs that help you, and you will sing songs that help me, and God will be glorified.

"So what shall I do?  I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my mind; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my mind."  1Cor 14:15

Here are some of my favorite parts so far:

  "We can no longer afford our historical sentimentality, even addiction, to the past.  Christendom is not the bibilcal mode of the church.  It was/is merely one way in which the church has conceived of itself.  In enshrining it as the sole form of the church, we have made it into an idol that has captivated our imaginations and enslaved us to a historical-cultural expression of the church.  We have not answered the challenges of our time precisely because we refuse to let go of the idol.  This must change! ….It will require that we adopt something that looks far more like the early church in terms of its conception of the church (ecclesiology) and its core task in the world (missiology)." – page 15

"How much of the traditional church's energy goes into adjustin gthier programs and their public meetings to cater to an unseen constituency?  If we get our seating, our parking, our children's program, our preaching, and our music right, they will come.  ….The missional church recognizes that it does not hold a plac eof honor in its host community and that its missional imperative compels it to move our from itself into that host community as salt and light." – page 19

"All the tinkering with the existing model of church that's going on will not save the day.  Simply making minor adjustments like replacing pews with more comfortable seating, or singing contemporary pop songs instead of hymns will not reverse the fundamental decline in the fortunes of the Western church… Or think of the church as a VCR.  If you have newer DVDs, you can't play them on your old VCR – you need an entirely different device." – pg 35

…good stuff.

I really relate to Mark's thoughts on our gifts and talents.  As Christians, the Holy Spirit has given us a gift… and sometimes even more than one!  We need to use those gifts to benefit the Body.  Mark said, "We are the BODY of Christ… not the hat… not the shoe…. because it is not something that we take on and off."  Why aren't we all using our talents and gifts and doing our part for the Body? 

Satan knows the power that is possible if the Body of Christ is working and he is going to do all he can to keep us from using our gifts.  Sometimes we recognize our gift, but we don't use it because we are scared.  The seeds of doubt are planted that make us think "what if we aren't good enough"…. "what if we fail"….. "what if we look stupid"…. and it goes on and on.  Our weaknesses have a way of inflating in our mind to the point that they are all we can see.  Mark talked about his weaknesses of ADD and Dyslexia.  Satan used those weaknesses to try to convince Mark that he was not able or capable of serving God with his talents.  Mark points out that we all have "buttons on the back of our head" and Satan knows what buttons to push to discourage us.

I feel like the most effective button Satan pushes in my life is the "it's only you" button.  Satan magnifies my weakness, then he makes me believe that I am the only one who feels that way, or has that weakness.  I become embarrassed or so discouraged that I feel I have to hide that weakness in the dark.  I can't let anyone know about it, because that would disappoint them, or make them think less of me.  This is such a powerful weapon for Satan and such a hinderance to God's work. 

Paul even had a weakness… a 'thorn in the flesh' that he begged for God to take from him.  But, God said that it is in our weakness that He is strong.  It's okay to have areas of weakness.  Not one of us is perfect… not yet.  While we are on this earth, we will have times and places that we struggle – But, God is good.  With His strength and His power and His perfection, we will succeed in spite of our weaknesses.  We need to encourage each other and not hide our weaknesses and love each other so that God will be glorified.  When people know our weaknesses, but still see the fruit we produce – then they will know that it is God at work, not us.

Our churches need to be places that we can come WITH our weaknesses and receive support and encouragement.  So many times our churches are places that we come and hide our problems.  We show up at the door and put on our fake "smiles" and answer "fine" everytime if someone should ask how we are doing.  We become fake "happy plastic people" just putting on a show… a "stained glass masquerade", as Mark calls it…. 

 Stained Glass Masquerade
Casting Crowns

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

CHORUS
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

CHORUS 2x

But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone that fails

Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

I have to wonder what kind of power drains out of the Body of Christ because of our inability to be "real" with each other.